“Regardless of the reason, this person learned to keep both eyes open all the time,” she says of a codependent partner. “Be on the lookout for bad things. Keep people close and obedient — or whatever it takes to maintain a sense of safety.” Pay attention to what those who love you are saying to you about your relationship. (Unless they are terrible friends.) If your response to these friends tends to be making an excuse for yourself and why you spend so much time with your partner, that’s a major red flag. “In a healthy relationship, you don’t make excuses to yourself or others about your partner,” says Dr. Wish. In a healthy relationship with reasonable boundaries, you can voice your thoughts and emotions—but at the end of the day, you can’t expect your partner to be anyone but their true self.

There is also trust, so neither party is suspicious or actively attempting to dominate the other’s life. You feel trapped in the relationship but might be in denial because once you recognize this, you will try to come out or just suffer. You might feel as though you are settling down with perhaps the incorrect partner in the relationship, but you rarely do anything about it. In most relationships, loyalty is a positive quality, but it becomes problematic when it goes too far. You stick by your partner’s side despite knowing the relationship is dysfunctional, and you are not being treated respectfully.

You Don’t Hold Your Partner Accountable for Their Actions.

You want someone else to come in and make your life complete. To be there for you when you’re down, to celebrate with you when you’re up. It’s extremely common and it can sink even the strongest love connection. Codependency is when you rely on someone else in a relationship to make you happy or fix your problems. Codependency is not a place you want to spend your life.

What are some common signs of codependency?

Experts at the site explain that we actually unconsciously recreate these scenarios in an effort to heal our past wounds. However, if we’re not aware we’re doing this gaining self-mastery can be difficult. Codependency is also a risk factor for substance addiction.

Feeling secure in yourself and in your relationship is key to healing from codependency. Accept yourself—the good, the bad, and the in-between—and work on growing your self-esteem. Learn to identify and express your desires and needs. Don’t be afraid to assert yourself and develop and maintain healthy boundaries.

Alcohol, drugs, or other addictions are common factors that may lead parents to prioritise their needs over their children’s. This may cause the children to become codependent as adults. The codependent is only happy when making extreme sacrifices for their partner. They feel they must be needed by this other person to have any purpose.

Your effects will probably be equipped instantly after you entire the quiz. Learn on to be informed extra in regards to the nature of codependency and to resolve, as soon as and for all, when you’ve got this tendency. If this is the case, studying this text would possibly lend a hand. Do you need to avoid someone’s disapproval at all costs, or do you need to make sure you don’t burn yourself out over-giving?

That said, the caretaker is not to blame for the other person’s addiction. While codependency can contribute to someone refusing treatment, it is not the only cause. Barring a safety crisis, someone cannot force others into rehabilitation.

When you start worrying about how others perceive you or what they think of something you said or did, remind yourself you have no control over what happens in other people’s minds. Trust people to find their own way and resolve their own challenges. Your own goodness shines through, even when you disappoint people. We’ve heard of the “year of yes,” now it’s time to learn the right time and way to say no to maintain self-care and give room for mental wellness. “Metaphorically, you are two people who haven’t learned to swim independently, so you cling to each other in the ocean as you both try not to drown,” says De Marco.

An interdependent person recognizes the value of vulnerability, being able to turn to their partner in meaningful ways to create emotional intimacy. They also value a sense of self that allows them and their partner to be themselves without any need to compromise who they are or their values system. Jodi Clarke, LPC/MHSP is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. She specializes in relationships, anxiety, trauma and grief. Verywell Mind’s content is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

You Sometimes Rely on Guilt and Shame to Get Your Partner to Acquiesce.

If you become codependent on someone addicted to drugs or alcohol, there’s a good chance you’ll enable their substance abuse rather than helping them stop it. Their problems may actually heighten your fears and insecurities, and in your desperation not beautifulpeople to lose them, you’ll inadvertently support their addiction even when your intentions were to do the opposite. In the beginning of recovery, working with a psychotherapist to uncover the deeply hidden aspect of the codependent behavior is essential.

Such things as divorces, alcoholism, and physical and emotional abuse can have a profound effect on how we love as adults. Codependence is usually what happens accidentally to children from an abusive or chaotic household—they grow into adulthood, searching blindly for what they were deprived of as children. Having an understanding of what led us into codependence can give us a fuller understanding of ourselves individually, as well as in a partnership. But, on the flip side, codependency can also result in someone giving too much of themselves and being an excessively generous partner. As Dragomir explains, a codependent person may feel inclined to ignore their own needs so they can better attend to the needs of their partner.